Update on what I’m reading

*Warning to indigenous peoples of Australia. The following article contains names of now deceased persons*

Okay. So my dad gave me a book titled, ‘Paperbark: a collection of Black Australian writings’. It mainly features short stories by indigenous Australian writers. There’s some poetry in there as well.

There were two short stories that stood out for me. First of all there was ‘Nanya’ written by William Ferguson and secondly there was ‘Struggling’ by Mudrooroo Narogin.

Nanya documents a story of indigenous law and an individual breaking it. It then becomes this karmic cycle of events.

‘Struggling’ documents the story of an aboriginal man Kevin on the dole as he looks for work and has little success, but eventually comes to find some sort of sanctuary within his family life.

Struggling really appealed to me and it brought about a fascination with the writer. In further browsing of the author I found that Mudrooroo Narogin is now deceased, having passed away earlier this year. But he was definitely one of the greats of contemporary Australian literature. Not only did he write work of important significance, but also he led a life of controversy. One in which he denied ties to his biological family at one point. I suppose he felt in some ways conflicted with his aboriginal ancestry or the displacement of the aboriginal people. But I would like to make this point, ‘How can you write about the truth in any substantial way without feeling at least a little bit conflicted about it?’

I felt a strong connection to Mudrooroo Narogin’s story as it features elements of what I seem to be going through at the moment. Detailing the intricacies of the power play between the government and the aboriginal people and how the aboriginal people are oppressed by placing limitations on their positions within society.

So having written quite a lot of material lately. Sometimes centering around issues of controversy or mental health and my own diagnosis with schizophrenia. I couldn’t help but think, ‘Have I drawn that sort of attention towards myself where people are limiting my position in society?’ Do people really sit around and say to themselves, ‘You think you’re so smart, well, I’ll teach you a lesson yar’ little prick!’ The truth is they probably do. People feel so insecure about themselves and their own abilities that they have to put limits on other people. Tall poppy syndrome is definitely a real thing and people will try to rub you in the dirt so they don’t have to feel so bad about themselves. It’s been happening to me for the majority of my life and by this point in time it’s all rather grotesque. And for some reason I don’t think it will stop either. But over time I’ve come to realise that human civilization is doomed anyway. Global warming, never ending wars, and of course if all else fails the universe will eventually be sucked into a supermassive black hole at the center of the galaxy. People in their need to feel superior over others or reach some level of contentment in their own life eventually fuck themselves over. And that’s why it’s all so grotesque. Current circumstances be it political, environmental or otherwise are all just a product of human nature.

The mental health team, former friends, just people in general. They all want to get one up on me because they feel that it would make themselves feel better or in some way prove their ‘vastly superior’ intelligence. In the end it’s not a way to get ahead of other people. We all have our place in society and our own life experience has shaped us into the people we become. The path to power over others does not free you from anything, all it does is gives you more people to look after. Responsibility that most people wouldn’t be able to handle because in the end they don’t have the mind or skills that allows them to look after other people. Power in the end is just another term for responsibility. Excessive wealth is just another responsibility because it just gives you another thing to manage. I could imagine excessive wealth would also probably make you kind of paranoid. Protecting your interests from perceived threats. The threats do exist, but not everyone is like that, a lot of people are complacent in their everyday lives. In writing these sorts of articles and literature I’m just working on the net to help catch people who are frustrated with their everyday lives.

Books and stories are like the safety net that catches all of the able minds and diffuses the bullshit that the rest of society propagates. In ‘struggling’ you find a sense of that where the main character, though on the dole with no work prospects, finds solace within the pages of a book and furthers his own learning through reading at one point. So in that respect I think we can all agree that the advent of literature is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

So to you dear reader. Who have read my work, I know many of my own stories are grotesque, but I must ask, ‘do you feel better about yourself? does it make you feel more intelligent that I am on the dole looking for work, where you ‘oh great and glorious one with omnipotent power who jerks off to the idea of an unrecognised writer or fucks as many brainless women as he pleases’ sit comfortably within your homely abode? Or maybe you’re not like that at all. Maybe you just read the material because it assists you and your understanding of the world.

Writers or writing in general often depicts the darker elements of life. And this probably acts as comfort to the reader who oft finds himself in some form of isolated circumstance, picks up a book. Finding comfort in solitude away from the horrors that are occurring outside his comfort zone.

So let me leave you with this thought. Stephen King writes horror novels with a happy ending. But isn’t a happy ending to a horror novel really the most terrifying ending of them all?

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