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The change manager

[The Change Manager, 639 words, Genre: Dark Humour]

* Image courtesy of Dirk de Bruyn

Greg stood in front of the mirror of his bathroom. His head and beard were freshly shaved, he had put on aftershave to seal the cuts and leave a fresh scent. He was dressed in a fresh crisp white shirt and was doing up his tie. He had the tie and did it up and with the notch in hand choked himself to the point of perfection. He breathed into his hand and then raised his hand to his nose, breathing in. At the sense of his own tainted breath, he popped a mint from its container and placed it inside his mouth. Then after biting into the little tablet, releasing the fresh scent, he checked his breath again and was pleasantly surprised.

He drove to work dressed in business attire. His hands on the wheel, flowing freely in-between cars through the flow of traffic. After a thirty minute drive, he arrived at his destination. He got out of his car, the car was sleek and black. An extension of his smooth character. The office was abuzz at his presence.

Throughout the office corridors people were all talking about him. Conversations persisted at his hiring. He was a legendary figure in the business world.

“They hired him.”

“Who?”

“The change guy.”

“The change guy. Who the hell is that?”

“Shut up! He’s coming this way.”

He walked past the employees who were talking about him. They all nodded to him as he walked with a quick pace. “Morning.”

“Morning…” They all replied intimidated.

And as soon as he had disappeared down the corridors and into his office, the chatter once again began. “What is his title exactly?”

“Change manager.”

“Change manager? What the hell is that even supposed to mean?” One guy was frantically obsessed with the title. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. The others all knew what it meant.

“Quite simply. There are going to be changes around here. That’s why they hired him.”

“What do you mean changes? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Then, as if from nowhere, he appeared again. Walking into the lunch room to make himself a quick cup of coffee. They all hushed as he stood there. In the silence you could hear the hot water pour into the cup, intermixing with the crystalline coffee. They all looked at him. Staring at his back. As he turned around, they all turned back to each other. They gritted their teeth and smiled at him managing meek ‘hellos’. He greeted them with a smile and returned to his office.

Then came the meeting. The meeting that they were all prepared for except for one. The one guy who didn’t know what the hell was going on. He kept on asking the same stupid question throughout the meeting, mumbling to himself, “Change manager? Change manager? What the hell is that even supposed to mean?”

That is when the change manager felt that he needed to address the issue and said, “It means you’re fired buddy.”

“What?”

“You’re fired. Pack your things and leave.”

“What?”

“Get out.” It sunk in to the employee what exactly a change manager did. The employee silently swore to himself and gathered his things and left the office.

“And we are cutting finances to…” He looked at the stack of papers that was part of the issuing orders from his own managers, “… the finance department.”

The meeting ended and the change manager returned to his office. In his office chair, he looked up at the sky and called out, “Why this job!? Why me!?”

Then the change manager’s manager came into his office. The change manager quickly recomposed himself. His manager congratulated him, “Good work in there today.”

“Thank you, sir.” And then his manager left the room. The change manager stared daggers into his back.

6 replies »

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