The seething feelings of loneliness entangled him. Bill was looking for a woman. Not for sex exactly, but it was for the company that he longed for. There wasn’t anybody around him to help or assist him. Everything that he did, he did because he needed something to do. If it weren’t for the estranged feelings of loneliness that he had confronted on a daily basis. If it weren’t for those feelings, then he would be fine. But those feelings were a natural occurrence, created by a vestigium of life.
There was want there. There was need. In the end there would be no-one to come home to. To share the patterns of life with. He was alone and being alone, he felt a deep hatred for his state of existence. He lay on the floor, feeling nothing… There was a large emptiness that fell within him. In his state of being, perpetrated by a sense of longing and belonging.
He knew he had fucked up with women before. But everyone has fucked up with their partners. Everybody makes a great big mess of their relationships and problems are always bound to occur. Problems are always bound to occur because the relationships of other people are always bound up in a power play. Individuals all make their own attempts at making grabs for power. They are always seeking the upper hand. The true realization comes when there is no upper hand to be gained.
As he lay there, he was thinking about something. Something that there was no insight to be gained from within or without. That was, while he was attempting to reach for something… His mind was not able to grasp that which he was without.
In these points of loneliness, that is when true strength came into play. We are not talking about the strength to lift weights of a heavy nature. We are talking about the strength that comes with spiritual fortitude. The strength of persistence. Persistence against all odds. This is true strength and these are the burdens of existence.
One is automatically confronted with problems throughout life and when one is confronted with the problems of life, one must proactively seek to alleviate themselves from such problems. And how one goes about alleviating themselves of the burdens of their own life is through the assistance of others.
However, Bill in his solitude found that there was no-one around to assist. He would usually help those around himself in any way possible. But through his loneliness and isolation he found that there was no-one around him to assist. So in his efforts, what could he do? What could he do?
He could help himself. In those moments of isolation he worked on the strength of his own body. The ability to overcome obstacles and problems that were of a high frequency throughout his life.
The isolation drilled at him. Took away his understandings of the real world. Until there was nothing around him… Everything was vapour. That said; things were floating up in the air. In their little bubbles. That is when ideas formed and intermixed with one another to create a contingency or stream of thought. It was confusion at its finest point.
And after everything else. He was still alone. Still by himself. What else could he do?
And in those points of isolation. While all by himself, he would work on himself and refine his own skills. But at the end of the day, he was still in want. In want of a woman and human company.